Recipe: Curry Chick Peas

Curry Chick Peas (Garbanzo Beans)

1 Bag of Dry Chick Peas (16oz)

¼ cup of chopped scallion

1 chopped scotch bonnet pepper

¼ cup of chopped garlic

4 sprigs of thyme

1 chicken bouillon

Jamaican Curry Powder

Directions:

Soak Chick Peas in cold water overnight

Drain and rinse peas

Sauté fresh bouillon and fresh seasonings in olive oil until light brown.

Add chickpeas and cover with water.

Sprinkle Curry Powder until mixture is dark green.

Bring to boil and then simmer until chickpeas are tender.

Recipe: Baked Macaroni and Cheese

Baked Macaroni and Cheese

You’ll Need:

• 1 box of Elbow Macaroni
• ¼ cup of Butter/Margarine
• 1 can of evaporated milk
• 3 eggs
• 3 8oz Packs of Shredded Cheddar Cheese (Extra Sharp, Sharp, and Mild)
• Standard Baking Pan
• Large Mixing Bowl

Directions:

1. Preheat Oven to 375 degrees
2. Boil Elbow Macaroni until tender.
3. Drain Macaroni
4. Combine Extra Sharp and Sharp Cheese, evaporated milk, eggs, and macaroni in large mixing bowl. Stir until an even consistency is achieved.
5. Grease baking pan with butter
6. Pour Macaroni mixture into pan
7. Spread Mild Cheddar cheese evenly over pan
8. Bake until cheese is golden brown

Notes: You may add an additonal pack of Mozzarella cheese or another cheese you desire. You can also sparingly use black pepper or Adobo to your mixture for additional flavor. 

What’s Your Fashion Identity?

The clothes that we wear can say a lot more about our personalities than we would like to believe. Clothes can display socio-economic status, body type and image, our insecurities and our strengths. High fashion is often reserved for the wealthy and those who conform to a specific beauty ideal.  I don’t give that ideology any merit. At any size or income bracket you can find outfits that make you feel confident, sexy, and validated.

My outlook on clothing has changed throughout the years. I was once confined to big and tall stores and the clearance section of Marshalls. I was the poster model for FUBU, Roc-a-wear or any other urban collection that pandered to overweight black men. Big and Tall stores carried more mainstream brands but at higher costs. I was priced out.  I then adopted the motto, “If it looks good, wear it” I started buying pieces that complimented my shape no matter what size. I relied heavily on accessories to give my outfits character. Ties, Pocket Squares, Vests, Layering, Jackets, Bowties etc are all items that can enhance an outfit. There is no reason for bigger men and women to restrict themselves to oversized Hawaiian shirts and drape dresses.  Women, Lane Bryant, Monif C, and Ashley Stewart have outfits that embrace the curves of plus size women. Catch them on clearance; use coupons, save up for STAPLE and VERSATILE items.

Now that I am able to walk into just about any store and shop, I am more selective with the items I purchase. I like higher end items but I DON’T pay retail price. I have a list of designers that I enjoy and I search for their product. GOODWILL is my best friend. I look for items that align with my fashion aesthetic.  The bargains are mind-boggling. As a young professional, I must always look the part but I don’t have to pay the price.

It is problematic when clothing no longer becomes about personal choice and identify but a false sense of validation. We look at fashion as a character trait and build our wardrobes before we edify our soul. Then, we use it to create a hierarchy within our communities. “You’re not wearing this, so you’re beneath me” We must break this habit.  As I highlighted earlier, wearing a label doesn’t always mean that person is affluent. Yes, clothing can show wealth but sometimes it doesn’t.  Let’s put out stock into qualities that matter and leave materialism and vanity on the back burner.  

Recipe: Curry Goat

Curry Goat

You’ll Need:

• Goat Meat cut into small 1-2 inch cubes
• Scallion
• Garlic
• Onion
• Thyme
• Scotch Bonnet Pepper
• Jamaican Curry Powder
• Black Pepper
• Adobo/Sazon or favorite multi-purpose seasoning.
• Peeled and Cubed Potatoes

 Directions:

• Wash Goat Meat with Vinegar and Salt Water combination. Rinse thoroughly until water contains no blood.
• Dice Scallion, Garlic, Onion, Thyme and Scotch Bonnet Pepper(Omitting Seeds) and add to large seasoning bowl with goat meat.
• Sprinkle Black Pepper, Curry Powder, and Adobo or Sazon on meat.
• Mix well until meat is well coated. Meat should have a green tint. If not, add more curry powder until color is achieved.
• Brown Goat meat in oil over medium heat WITHOUT fresh seasonings as much as possible.
• Once browned, add water to seasoning bowl and cover goat meat with water/fresh herb mixture.
• Bring to boil and then reduce heat. After goat has simmered for approximately 45 minutes. Add diced potatoes.
• Let mixture simmer until goat is tender.

Note: You may add a chicken/beef bullion to goat for additional flavor.
If you have a pressure cooker, you can skip the browning process and add entire mixture to pressure cooker with enough water to cover goat 4-5 inches. After 1 hour, transfer to another pot and add potatoes and simmer.

Recipe: Spanish-Style Beans

Spanish Style Beans (Kidney, Pinto, Black, Pink)

You’ll need:

• Package of Dry Black Beans (16oz)
• ½ cup of Cilantro
• 5 cloves of garlic
• 1 medium Onion
• 1 medium Bell Pepper
• 1-2 cubes of Chicken/Garlic/Beef Bouillon
• Sofrito: Blend Olive Oil with Garlic, Cilantro, Sweet Pepper, and Onion
• 1/8 cup of tomato sauce

 Directions:

• Soak Beans overnight in cold/warm water
• Rinse soaked beans with cold water
• Dice Onion, Garlic, Cilantro, and Pepper to finest possible consistency.
• Place fresh seasonings with 2 tablespoons of sofrito pot with a little olive oil over medium heat
• Once seasonings begin to brown, add beans and enough water to cover the beans by 1-2 inches.
• Bring mixture to a boil
• Add 1-2 cubes of chicken bouillon for taste
• Add tomato sauce
• After beans boil for 10 minutes, reduce the heat
• Add 2 more tablespoons of sofrito
• Reduce heat and let simmer until beans are tender.

*You can opt to use one bouillion and one packet of sazon*

For a completely “clean” approach, use sea salt and omit bouillon and sazon

Unbothered: The Façade

How important is spiritual and emotional equilibrium in your life? I notice day in and day out my black gay brothers and sister refuse to process their emotions and work towards true balance. Freud espouses that defense mechanisms are thought to safeguard the mind against feelings and thoughts that are too difficult for the conscious mind to cope with. We see being open about our feelings as a sign of weakness. In our bully culture, those who are weak become subject to harsh criticism. To this end, we walk around with unchecked emotional baggage and project this hurt in the majority of our platonic and romantic relationships.

Spend any amount of time on #BlackGayTwitter and the term “unbothered” will come across your timeline several times. Unbothered: to show little concern or invest emotional stock into a particular event. This is an example of defense mechanisms. We will say that we’re okay with a hurtful comment, offensive joke, picture captioned, hashtag created, etc but in essence we’re ignoring the hurt said events caused. We then rebuttal with an even more hurtful act. This further propels the cycle of bitterness that we SAY we don’t like about the black gay community.

Are you really unbothered? You’re in the gym 5 days a week out of fear that someone will call you out of shape. You have tried every single fad diet on the market, but don’t see yourself beautiful. My personal fitness journey is yes self-directed but I can’t say that the desire to be viewed as sexy isn’t motivation. There is an unspoken rubric for sexy, to many being overweight isn’t included. You’re unbothered but have a 2-hour beauty ritual to manage or get rid of your blemishes or “flawed” skin. We say be comfortable in the skin you’re in but make vicious attacks to people with acne or any dermatological issues. You’re unbothered but if someone unfollows you for any reason you start a campaign against said individual. You feel validated by the amount of followers you have.

Vulnerability and transparency leads to emotional stability. When you invest in your own mental health and don’t allow others to project their hurt onto you, you can lead a better life. This emotional baggage can impacts other aspects of your personal and professional life. Let’s make strides to end the constant perpetuation of hurt.

What's Your Pleasure?: Gay Compatibility

Sex is vast. Sex has no boundaries. However, we always find the need to micromanage and police people’s sex lives. Every act must have a label. You must have a title and only certain acts are acceptable under that label. This is total bullshit. Once we realize that sexuality is fluid, we can move past the stigmatization of pleasure activities that are not deemed “mainstream” What’s your pleasure?

The gay world seeks to mimic the heterosexual world in many ways. Tops (the penetrative partner) are often expected to take on the traditional gender roles of the “man” while bottoms  (receptive partner) are expected to be more submissive. As archaic as this sounds, as a bottom I’m not opposed to this set up in my own personal relationship. I like to cater, I don’t mind yielding in SOME ways to my boyfriend. The keyword is CHOICE. You choose who you want to be sexually and the role you want to play in your relationship. Tops don’t have to be masculine and bottoms don’t have to be feminine. Many gay men opt for versatile relationships where each partner performs most sexual acts. However you choose to configure your sexual activities is valid. 

Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of any kind of sexual relationship. From casual hookups to long-term partners, mutual satisfaction is the desired goal or SHOULD be the desired goal. Knowing your partner’s needs and desires is not something that is always instinctive. You must first communicate exactly what you want. That comes after you truly take control of your pleasure and walk in confidence about your sexual proclivities.  After everything is out in the open, you may find that you are completely in sync. Perhaps you have to compromise on a few items. Maybe you find that it just wont work. It’s better to be bold and outspoken about your needs and desires in the beginning than be disappointed in the end.

Find Your Pleasure, Own Your Pleasure, Have Better Sex