Unbothered: The Façade

How important is spiritual and emotional equilibrium in your life? I notice day in and day out my black gay brothers and sister refuse to process their emotions and work towards true balance. Freud espouses that defense mechanisms are thought to safeguard the mind against feelings and thoughts that are too difficult for the conscious mind to cope with. We see being open about our feelings as a sign of weakness. In our bully culture, those who are weak become subject to harsh criticism. To this end, we walk around with unchecked emotional baggage and project this hurt in the majority of our platonic and romantic relationships.

Spend any amount of time on #BlackGayTwitter and the term “unbothered” will come across your timeline several times. Unbothered: to show little concern or invest emotional stock into a particular event. This is an example of defense mechanisms. We will say that we’re okay with a hurtful comment, offensive joke, picture captioned, hashtag created, etc but in essence we’re ignoring the hurt said events caused. We then rebuttal with an even more hurtful act. This further propels the cycle of bitterness that we SAY we don’t like about the black gay community.

Are you really unbothered? You’re in the gym 5 days a week out of fear that someone will call you out of shape. You have tried every single fad diet on the market, but don’t see yourself beautiful. My personal fitness journey is yes self-directed but I can’t say that the desire to be viewed as sexy isn’t motivation. There is an unspoken rubric for sexy, to many being overweight isn’t included. You’re unbothered but have a 2-hour beauty ritual to manage or get rid of your blemishes or “flawed” skin. We say be comfortable in the skin you’re in but make vicious attacks to people with acne or any dermatological issues. You’re unbothered but if someone unfollows you for any reason you start a campaign against said individual. You feel validated by the amount of followers you have.

Vulnerability and transparency leads to emotional stability. When you invest in your own mental health and don’t allow others to project their hurt onto you, you can lead a better life. This emotional baggage can impacts other aspects of your personal and professional life. Let’s make strides to end the constant perpetuation of hurt.