My Background
We live in a society that praises those who fit within a
specified ideal of beauty. You must be fit, but too slim. You can be black but
not too dark. You will drive yourself insane trying to operate within the
parameters of the status quo. You must challenge it.
I’m on a fitness journey. I spent all of my childhood years
being obese. I was subject to constant bullying and ridicule. My self-esteem
had a negative balance. I channeled all of my hurt into being an extroverted
individual so people would like me. I exceled academically and musically and
shielded my insecurities with talent. I’m a naturally funny person so my candor
attracted people. Being the “popular” big guy was ok. Platonically, I faired well.
When I started embracing my sexuality and became active
reality gave me a stinging smack. I was completely undesirable to men. To be a
fat black gay is to be at the bottom of the social totem pole. Men would send
hurtful and antagonizing messages on my online dating profiles without
provocation. Simple messages of salutation were dismissed with snide remarks. I
felt like I didn’t have value in the dating world. I was reduced to rendezvous
with DownLow men and midnight meetings.
I tried every single diet, exercise regiment, and healthy
eating program you could imagine. I lost weight then gained it right back. I
was never able to achieve any consistent weight loss. I needed help. In
December of 2009 at 21 years old, I had gastric bypass. This started a long
journey of serious dedication to healthy eating and fitness that I will
chronicle throughout this blog. I am still not at my goal weight but am in a
place where I am embracing my journey and myself.
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